yukitsubute: (Sakuraiba)
[personal profile] yukitsubute posting in [community profile] sky_no_yuki
Title: Fragments of love
Pairing: Sakuraiba; JunBa (Mentioned - and more friendship like ;))
Rating: PG-13
Warning: None
Summary: Aiba knows that he has to end his relationship, but he doesn't know if he really wants this ...
Note: This is written for [personal profile] antimiya88 for her wish-meme. :D I really hope you'll like it, dear ^_^



Aiba lay on the bed.  He counted the small grooves on the ceiling. He felt empty and his heart clenched so hard that he had the feeling that he was about to burst. “It was wonderful,” he heard Sho’s voice at the door.

Aiba wasn’t even strong enough to raise his head. “Hm,” he just said out.

He could hear Sho rummaging through his things. Probably he was about to slip into his jeans and shirt. He’d probably be gone in a few minutes. “Can we meet on Saturday?” Aiba heard himself saying. Something in him screamed that he should leave it, that he should make a cut here, but he couldn’t. It was like being addicted to Sho, like there was no chance to escape him.

Aiba could see a shadow coming closer to his bed, and Sho sat at the border, his hand stroking Aiba’s cheek. Aiba’s eyes rested on the small golden ring around Sho’s finger. His stomach clenched and again he had the feeling to throw up. “Sorry, I forgot. Saturday is family time.”

Sho’s smile was warm and tender, and his eyes looked so lovingly at Aiba, he couldn’t be mad at him, and he wasn’t able to leave him. “I am sorry, but next week I have time. Maybe on Tuesday?” Sho suggested.

Tuesday – Aiba had promised Jun to accompany him to an exhibition, but he’d cancel it, like he always did when Sho wanted to see him. “Sure. I am free.” Aiba tried to cover his pain with the best smile he could give. His feelings turned upside down when he felt Sho’s lips brushing his before he left Aiba’s apartment.

~~~

Jun sighed. He handed Aiba the cup of coffee and sat next to him on the small park bench. Aiba could see that his friend wasn’t all happy about Aiba’s excuse for the exhibition. “And you really think that it’s a good idea to keep up this mess, Aiba-shi?”

Aiba felt the heat in his body rising. Of course it was not a good idea, but he needed Sho, he needed the warmth and tender feeling the other gave to him once a week. He couldn’t live without it. “Yes,” he just said. He didn’t want to discuss this – again.

Aiba could see Jun’s eyes resting on him, and without Jun saying something, Aiba knew what the other wanted to tell him, but he didn’t. Jun had told him his honest opinion not only once, but Aiba was stubborn, he had always been. He didn’t want to be told that this relationship was just about hurting him, but he couldn’t change it, he was addicted to it, and he had the feeling that he couldn’t live without the other. Sho was like his air to breathe, like the heart beat he needed to survive – good or not.

“Okay. So you skip the exhibition, because you meet with this guy?” Jun sounded annoyed, and somehow Aiba understood his friend. Again he delayed a meeting, which was important to Jun. It was his second photo exhibition, and Jun was really talented at it. He was so chipper about this chance to exhibit his work – and Aiba would miss it. He had a bad feeling about it, but could he really cancel a meeting with Sho?

“I phone Sho later on, maybe we can meet on Monday, then I’ll come,” Aiba explained.

Jun nodded with a smile, but he seemed disappointed and sad about Aiba’s words. God, was he able to do anything right?

~~~

Aiba walked down the street, scanning the shop windows rather absent-minded. Just when he passed a jewellery shop he stopped. Thoughts in his mind popped up. He had Sho in his mind, who walked into Aiba’s bedroom, and the first thing he did – always – was to take off his wedding ring. It was like he wanted to be someone else in between these hours with Aiba. Aiba pressed his lips together when he felt the tears coming up in him. He suppressed his feelings, like he always did.

When Sho was about to leave his place, he’d put on his ring again, before he’d slip into his clothes – and then he was the real Sho again. Or was the Sho who slept with Aiba the real Sho? Aiba didn’t know it…It just hurt him every time he looked at Sho while he put on his ring, slipping in his regular life.

Aiba pulled out his mobile when it started vibrating in his pocket. Sakurai Sho was written on the display. Did he want to talk with the other now? He had always been so sure about his feelings for Sho, he knew that there was no one else he loved more, but during the last weeks Aiba had gotten more and more insecure about his own feelings. He still loved the other, but did he really want to hurt himself forever?

He knew that there was no chance that Sho would give up his life. Already in school Sho had been hiding his real feelings. He and Aiba had been together since school, but already there Sho had been going out with Aiba secretly, and after school he had become a politician and with that Sho’s way of living his private life was settled. He had had married a nice young girl and Aiba was sure that Sho would become a father soon. But even after marrying, Sho had kept up his relationship with Aiba, and Aiba had been too weak to make a cut.

“Sho?” He picked up the call. Even after years, Aiba’s heart made some jumps.

“Masaki, it’s about our appointment on Monday. I think I won’t make it. I need to go to the doctor with Ami-chan.”

Aiba felt the knot in his throat growing. He didn’t want to hear the name of Sho’s wife when they talked with each other. “Oh, okay.” Aiba breathed out. “I hope everything is okay?” He didn’t know why he asked, and in the end he wasn’t even interested why they went to the doctor. He had already a guess, but he didn’t want to hear it from Sho.

“It may be that we are expecting a child,” Sho said.

Aiba gulped. His heart seemed to stop and break into thousand pieces. It was the thing he had always feared most. For a moment he didn’t even know what to say. Hundreds of thoughts were running through his head, but he felt empty, like every possible life had been gone from him.

“Masaki?” Sho asked.

“I am sorry, I am in a hurry now, Sho. I call you later.” Aiba didn’t even wait for the other to answer, he just hung up. There was no chance that he’d talk with the other now.
Aiba walked through the streets without thinking about where to go. He looked up when he felt some raindrops on his skin. He looked at the small gallery on the other side of the street. Light was still burning inside there. Aiba crossed the street, his hands in his pockets. He looked through the window.

For a moment Aiba just wanted to turn around and walk away. He didn’t want to go on Jun’s nerves now – Jun had other thoughts with his exhibition and all the preparations for it. Right in the moment he wanted to leave, he could see Jun waving at him and soon later the door got open and Jun let him slip into the room.

This gallery had been Jun’s dream since they had been children. Through all the years in school Jun had always talked about his own gallery for his photos. “Ma-chan?”

“I am sorry for disturbing you at work. I know you are busy with preparing everything for Tuesday.” Aiba bowed.

“Nah, don’t be stupid. Come, I make us some tea.” Jun pulled him along to a small separate room where Jun had a couch and some basic kitchen things for the times he had to sleep here.

“You look terrible,” Jun said when he placed the cups with tea on the table. “Let me guess … Sho?”

Jun had always told Aiba to leave him, to get to a life without being hurt again and again, but Aiba had never listened to him. It was damn difficult to speak out loud what Aiba had thought about during the last hour he had strolled through the streets. “I think it’s time to leave him.” Aiba could feel the tears in his eyes and he wasn’t able to hold them back. They spilled out like the whole tension, fear, sadness, frustration he had carried inside him came out right now.

Jun looked at him without saying something. He knelt in front of Aiba, wrapping his arms around Aiba’s neck to pull him into a hug. Aiba knew what Jun wanted to say. He wanted to call Sho various not so nice names, but he just sighed. “It’s the best decision, Ma-chan. Sho is stuck in his own world, and I think no one is able to understand why he did and still does this, but it’s important that you let go.”

~~~

Aiba came out of Sho’s apartment after talking with him for almost three hours. He had been afraid of facing this situation, but he felt terrible free now. He hadn’t imagined that this would make him feel that good. He didn’t even cry and he didn’t feel like crying now. He had explained his feelings to Sho and he had told him that he wasn’t able to go on like this anymore.

Aiba had known what Sho would answer, and he was right. He apologized hundreds of times, and he explained that he couldn’t leave his wife. It was not possible. Not only because she was expecting a child, but also because of his reputation. Aiba didn’t understand it, because he had never been someone who cared much about the opinion from others, but he knew that Sho did. “I will walk out of this room now, Sho-san, and I wish you a happy life, but please understand that I hope that I won’t meet you again any time soon,” Aiba had said when he left the apartment. He was sure that he heard something like a sob from the other, but he didn’t dare to turn around, because it maybe would have made him weak again and he’d turn and walk back to Sho, telling him that they should try it again. But in the end Aiba didn’t want this anymore.

~~~

The small park not far away from Aiba’s apartment had always been his and Jun’s secret meeting place, and also this day they met there. They’d go together to the gallery later on to prepare everything for the exhibition.

“Ma-chan.” Jun came up to him. Aiba’s smile mixed with some tears, but he wasn’t sad at all, it was right what he did, he knew it. “Did everything go well?”

Aiba nodded. “Can we look into a bright future now, Jun?”

Aiba wasn’t sure, but there was something sparkling in Jun’s eyes, but it was only for a moment. “I am ready for it,” Jun said with a smile.

“Me too,” Aiba answered honestly.

Date: 2017-04-25 07:29 pm (UTC)
antimiya88: (Default)
From: [personal profile] antimiya88
Keep my place!!! :)

Date: 2017-04-29 10:26 am (UTC)
antimiya88: (Default)
From: [personal profile] antimiya88
Sorry for being late but this week I came back to Paris and had some things to take care of. Sometimes rl sucks! ><" But now here I am! :)
Ok... I LOVED IT! I really liked the tendency for abstraction that this fic has! Not many details and descriptions. It added more to the whole atmosphere! :) Jun's amazing! Discreet yet always by Aiba's side! It's bittersweet but Aiba did make the right decision! ^^

Thank you sooo much for writing it dear! <3 <3 <3

Date: 2017-04-26 04:11 am (UTC)
learashi: (Default)
From: [personal profile] learashi
I'm so happy that Aiba left that cheating rat Sho.
I hope that there is a chance for something more than friendship for Junba in the future.
Aiba deserves better.
This was a brilliant start to the wish meme's <3 <3

Date: 2017-04-26 10:59 pm (UTC)
24iza_run: (junba)
From: [personal profile] 24iza_run
The plot is bittersweet, but I don't think it's a sad ending. I feel a hope for a better future, and there is Jun to support Aiba! Even from the beginning until the end Jun is the one who is on Aiba's side :)

I really love the angst ^^Thank You SO much for sharing!

Date: 2017-04-29 10:57 am (UTC)
wondefulstar: (pic#11238437)
From: [personal profile] wondefulstar
just...WHY???
I read too many Sakuraiba angst these days and this story is one of the saddest I've ever read :'(
Uuugh I hope Aiba-chan can forget Sho completely and move on with Jun. Aiba is smart to leave Sho lol

Thank you for the story, I really love it! <3

Date: 2017-04-30 05:50 am (UTC)
adeyakana: (ma-kun)
From: [personal profile] adeyakana
Aiba deserves someone better
It's a good decision he make
thank you for sharing this

Date: 2017-05-01 02:44 pm (UTC)
lilly0: (Default)
From: [personal profile] lilly0
This is soooo good!! Sad, but good!
Awww, poor guys :-( They are caught in a really bad vicious cycle here. I mean, I can also kind of understand Sho here, because obviously he loved (and maybe loves?) Aiba, but at the same time he felt obliged to follow a certain etiquette (like marry etc.) because of his job. Still not right what he did. He should have let Aiba go long ago and not mess with his feelings. I'm glad Aiba was strong ago at the end and ended their relationship!
Aiba's and Jun's bond however is sooooo sweet, and I hope Aiba can really look into a bright future (maybe with Jun, who seems so kind and like he cares for him)

Thanks for this!! <3

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