sky_no_yuki | Behind the waves

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Behind the waves - Chapter 5

Title: Behind the waves
Pairing: Aiba Masaki/ Sakurai Sho; Matsumoto Jun/ Ohno Satoshi;
Rating: PG-13
Warning: none
Summary: Aiba has a special ability – he can see shadows surrounding people who can’t get rid of their past and what had happened to them and the people they once loved. As psychologist it’s Aiba’s duty to help them getting rid of their bad experiences (and their shadows) to start a new life.

„Have you been on that road again?“ Aiba asked.

It was Friday morning and it was Aiba’s last but one patient for this week. After Ohno and Sho he’d have his calm weekend together with Nino.

“No.” Ohno shook his head. “I dreamed about me and Jun breaking up.”

Aiba had already waited for a dream like this. He had learned that shadows always searched for a way to communicate with the living ones’. And the only way they had was to interfere into their sleep. That’s why Aiba had always been interested in his patient’s dreams.

“What exactly happened in this dream?” Aiba asked. He could see Ohno smiling sadly.

Ohno took some time till he finally answered Aiba. Even though it had just been a dream, it burdened Ohno. “We had a fight. In the end Jun told me that he has the feeling that I don’t love him enough to continue our relationship.”

Aiba looked closely at Ohno. He wanted to see every tiny move of the other one. In the end everything could have had a deeper meaning, even though it was just a gesture. But Ohno didn’t move.

“And you have the feeling that there is maybe a tiny truth in this dream?” Ohno shifted on his seat. He fumbled with the tablecloth nervously. Then he looked up at Aiba.

Aiba could see dark rings under Ohno’s eyes. He was tired and exhausted. “No. Yes. I mean … ,” Ohno started. “… of course I love him.”

“But?” Aiba asked. He could hear in Ohno’s voice that he was hesitating.

“Gosh … .” Ohno rubbed his face. “I can’t love him full-heartedly.” Ohno nibbled on his lower lip. He had never spoken that out loud, Aiba was sure about that. “Even if I want to.”

“Why?”

Ohno looked up at him. He had tears in his eyes. Aiba had never seen Ohno like this before. He had never been the emotional one, but this time he completely changed.

“It’s good that you aren’t able to love him more. You can’t go on without me,” the shadow said. “You hear me? Even though the accident wasn’t your fault, Satoshi, you won’t leave me. Never.” The shadow was aggravated and it had a lot of power when it was furious. Aiba felt his head spinning, but he tried to stay concentrated. Aiba took a piece of cake to gain a little more power.

“I am a bad person. I don’t deserve to love someone anymore,” Ohno’s voice was almost silent and husky. He suffered.

“What have you done, that you think that way?” Aiba wanted to know. He could feel the shadow’s mood changing. The power he took from Aiba got less and the tension in the air faded.

“Oh my Satoshi. You aren’t a bad person.” The shadow got closer to Ohno and caressed his cheek softly.

“I … I … ,” Ohno looked up. “I ….” Ohno shifted. “can’t …”

Aiba raised his hand. He could see that it was still too early for Ohno to talk about what had happened to him. And Aiba didn’t want to force the other to talk about something he still wasn’t able to talk about. “Okay,” Aiba said. “What do you love about Jun?” He asked instead.
Aiba could immediately feel his head spinning, because the shadow got aggravated. Aiba didn’t care about it. He had to make Ohno let go off his past, but he also had to make the shadow accept the fact that there was someone else in Ohno’s life – so also it had to let go off.

“He’s there for me. From the very first beginning he’s at my side. I am a difficult person – I’ve always been,” Ohno smiled a little.

“Why do you think you are difficult?” Aiba asked further.

Ohno sighed. “I am very, very, very, air headed. And since I am not feeling well, I am sometimes totally in my own world, than I don’t even realize when someone talks with me.” Ohno took a cookie and broke it into pieces. He kept silent for some moments before he continued. “Some weeks ago I sat on the terrace. It had started raining, but I didn’t even realize it. I just sat there, staring into nothing. Jun called me at least four times, but I didn’t react. I didn’t even hear him, till he pulled on my arm to get me into the house. But I pushed him away. I wanted to stay outside because I wanted to feel the rain to know that I was still alive.” Ohno stopped. He looked at Aiba directly. “And Jun just sat there next to me, holding my hand. We didn’t talk with each other, he didn’t insult me, he was just there,” Ohno explained. “Just there for me,” he said again.

Aiba had the feeling his head would go to explode. The shadow took Aiba’s power to get stronger, and he took a lot of power from Aiba. Aiba had the feeling that he’d going to faint. He concentrated on a point at the wall and took a cookie which he ate immediately.

“He won’t get my place. He won’t be the only one for you – that was me, that’ll always be me. You won’t forget me,” the shadow cried out.

“Ohno, that sounds like you love him from the bottom of your heart. Why do you believe that it’s not like this?” Aiba asked.

“Because I killed someone.” now Ohno started crying.

~~~

The sun warmed Aiba’s body. He had his eyes closed. Slowly he felt the numbness in his right arm disappearing.

Ohno’s words were still resounding in his mind. After Ohno had said this that he had killed someone, Aiba could feel an incredible pain crossing his body. The shadow had been on the top of its excitement and anger. Aiba had fought against fainting and luckily right in this moment their hour had been over and Ohno hurried to leave Aiba’s place.

Aiba was sure that it had been exhausting for Ohno as well, that was the reason he rushed to leave Aiba’s place. Ohno wasn’t the type of guy who could show emotions to others openly. He had excused to Aiba when he left, because he had started crying here, but Aiba didn’t care. He had always been a crybaby, and he had no problem with being like this. But he also knew a lot of men, who would never show their feelings openly.

Aiba stretched his arms. He felt tired and he wanted nothing more than to go to bed, but he’d have a second patient on that day. Sho would visit him and Aiba was already curious if Sho would talk a little more this time.

Aiba let his hand stroke over the sand. He felt the grains of sand between his fingers. Aiba could hear Haro lumber up to him. It was hot, but the sun heated Aiba’s body in a good way. Aiba let his hand wander over Haro’s head. “Am I a little masochistic?” Aiba smiled.

Haro grunted contently, moving her leg up and down when Aiba tickled him right under his collar. “I mean he really isn’t the nicest person and his arrogant behaviour really annoys me, but there is something behind this all,” Aiba sighed. “You know, I can see it in his eyes. There is this big pain he feels, and the wish to protect himself with being like this. He is cold and unfriendly to others.” Aiba sat up. “But call me stupid, I want to bring back what he once was and what he hides behind this big wall. I want to bring back to life what he had buried deep in his soul.”

Haro lay down, her eyes closed. Probably she wasn’t even listening, but Aiba had the feeling to have someone he could talk to. Haro looked up nervously. Her ears were trembling and her snout went up and down fast. “Yes, they are close,” Aiba said. He could already feel a shadow pulling on his energy. Soon later he heard a knock on the door.

“Hello Sho-san.” Aiba let him in. He wanted to make a plan how to bring Sho to talk with him, but in the end he had no idea. During all this years as psychologist he had hardly ever met someone closed like Sho.

“Aiba-san.” Sho bowed. “How are you doing?” Sho smiled at him. It was one of his faked smiles.

“Perfectly fine, and you?” Aiba replied.

Sho shrugged. “I am okay.”

Aiba scanned him properly. “You don’t look like you are okay.”

“I am just a little bit tired. So this hour here will be my relaxing time before I need to go back to work,” Sho explained.

“Do you want some coffee?” Aiba offered.

Sho stepped on the terrace. “Yes please,” he said while he turned to Aiba. “Oh, Haro-chan, you look good.” Sho knelt down to stroke the dog’s neck. “She seems to be happy here.” Sho looked up at Aiba.

“I let her run around for almost the whole day. I don’t want her to feel like in a cage,” Aiba explained.

He could see Sho staring at him. “Aren’t you afraid that she runs into the sea?”

Aiba stepped next to Sho and placed the coffee on the table. Next to it he put a plate with cookies. “No. Why should I?”

“The sea can be really monstrous,” Sho’s voice sounded sad. Had Aiba found a weak point? He needed to be careful now. Sho stepped out of his shell – just a tiny bit – and every wrong word would make him disappear there again.

“Haro is an intelligent animal – she knows exactly what she can do and she shouldn’t do. And at nights or when I am not at home, she’s with me or inside the house,” Aiba said. “And she’s no child you need to take care of.” These words were provoking, Aiba knew that, but maybe even an outburst could bring Aiba closer to the truth.

“As if you have any idea of children.” Sho smiled sadly.

“No, I don’t have children, what about you?” Aiba could see Sho wincing. For one second Sho seemed to think about saying something but in the end his dark eyes just stared at Aiba.

“I am not here to let you read my mind, or do other doctor things with me,” Sho said harshly.

“Just for the doctor’s protocol,” Aiba said. “You started with it, not me.”
“I … don’t care about it…,” Sho said. His eyes got a little lighter again. He didn’t seem to stand someone who was talking back to him.

“How’s Jun doing?” Aiba asked. He wanted to get away from this topic, and maybe he’d find out something interesting when they talked about Sho’s family.

“I think he’s fine.” Sho stood up from where he had knelt next to Haro and sat on the chair towards Aiba. “He works a lot at the moment. He has a lot of nightshifts.”

Sho seemed to be happy that he wasn’t the main subject of Aiba’s questions.

“Ah, right, he works together with Nino.” Aiba took a sip of his coffee. Sho’s shadow had been calm till now, but when Aiba had asked about children, he could feel the shadow pulling on Aiba’s energy.

“Yes, but Nino has this weekend off,” Sho nodded. “Jun works and Ohno is fishing somewhere.”

“And you?” Aiba wanted to know.

“Me?” Sho seemed astonished. “Well, I work tomorrow and on Sunday. And I need to go to mainland on Sunday afternoon. I need to settle some things.”

“Settle things?” Aiba asked further – a small step into the right direction.

“I need to cancel … my rental agreement,” Sho answered and the way he did reply Aiba was sure that it was only half of the truth.

“You still have an apartment in Tokyo?” Aiba asked.

Sho nodded. “But I don’t need it anymore.”

“So you won’t come to visit me anymore. You’ll forget me,” the shadow whined.

Aiba felt the shadow taking his energy. He felt everything getting dizzy around him. “Do you have a lot of friends in Tokyo?” He tried to stay concentrated, even though he already felt weak.

Sho shook his head. “Most of my old friends were the one from my … friend.”

“You call mommy a friend? Why Papa?” The shadow yelled out. Haro howled and ran out to the beach to find herself a place under the tree. The shadows emotions were too much for her.

“Ah, I understand. The friends from a past relationship are always hard to keep alive, because mostly they decide for one side – which is not your side,” Aiba said.

Sho smiled at him. “I thought you wouldn’t recognize that I am talking about a past relationship.”

“Wrong thought.” Aiba shrugged. “What kind of relationship was that?”

Sho sighed. “I actually didn’t want to talk with you about anything private, but you have a calming attitude. Do you know that?”

“Thank you.” Aiba bowed – one point for him. He was able to make Sho open up at least a little bit.

“She was my fiancé, but it didn’t work out so we went separate ways,” Sho explained.

Of course that wasn’t the whole truth, but Aiba accepted it. It was more than he had hoped for.

“Can I give you an exercise?” Aiba asked.

“No,” Sho just said.

Aiba had counted with that answer, but nevertheless he wanted to try it.

A/N: So here we are with the next chapter. Thanks for all your ideas, they are really good <3 What do you think about Ohno? What happened there? Will he stay together with Jun? And Sho? What's with his shadow and the fiance he had? :)))) I am really curious about your thoughts <3
Thanks for reading this multi chapter, I really enjoy each and every of your comments, you are the best <3 <3

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Ohno's shadow is really hard to handle, it really hates Jun and because of this Ohno is suffering :(
Sho seems to opening up a bit and this is a good sign, I think he is starting to trust Aiba even just a little bit. Hope he will trust him fully soon~
Thanks for writing this ^^

Bye bye <33

Yes, you are right. Ohno's shadow is probably much more complicated than Sho's. :(

And yes, Sho opens up a bit, that's a good sign, you are right.

Thanks for reading and commenting <3 <3

Sho's comment about the dog and the water is interesting, I'm thinking his daughter drowned? And it looks like Aiba is making some progress with him, even if only a tiny bit.

Ohno's part was also interesting, I wonder what happened. For now I'm guessing some sort of incident where both he and his lover were present, but only Ohno survived, and the fact that he feels responsible suggests something like a car (or boat?) accident, maybe. It's also nice to see how much Jun supports him, they clearly love each other a lot ♥

Captivating chapter as always, I'll be looking forward the next update.

Interesting thought of yours ;) Aiba makes some progress, and he won't give up ;)

Also your thoughts about Ohno's past are really interesting :D Jun is there for him, yes, no matter what :D

THanks soooo much for reading and commenting dear <3 <3

Ohno's shadow seems tough to handle and selfish. I wonder what has happened to have made it like that! *curious*
As for Sakuraiba, finally Sho seemed to relax a bit in front of Aiba but still... I have many questions for him as well. Why so much denial?! I can't wait to discover the answers! :)

Thanks for sharing it with us! ^_^

Ohno's shadow really is, you are right.

Yes, Sho opens up and it will get better from now on. :)

Thanks soooo much for your lovely comment. :D <3

Well we can say Ohno is progressing ne~ and Sho being super stubborn as always. I wonder what tragedy has happened to the 'shadows'. Looking forward to next chapter!

Yes, he is.

And you are right, Sho is stubborn, but his walls break down step by step ;)

Thanks for dropping by and leaving a comment <3

Ohno is being stressed out, and since he is dreaming about Jun, it really makes him hard. I just wanna give this guy a hug...I hope he and Jun gets together soon!! And so will Sho and Aiba!!

He really is. But Jun is really there for him, and he supports him.

Thanks sooo much for dropping by and leaving a comment. <3

Aw..I like how you put those two togethe as a pair. They are so cute!!!

Your welcome! Thanks for commenting on my Kitty post.

Thanks so much dear <3 I like those two together too <3

Thanks again, dear <3 (and no problem, I love reading stuff <3)

Ohno's shadow really don't want to let him go..i assumed that it was his dead lover..and for Sho, it seems very hard to break his wall..but Masaki seems to break it bit by bit..I thought Sho' already married..but he said fiance..so it is either he got out of wed child or his fiance already had a child and Sho caused the death of her.. so many theories..I'm looking forward for the next chapter..

No, Ohno's shadow can't let go. ><

Aiba is really good in breaking down walls, so he will do this with Sho's ;)

Thanks sooo much for reading and commenting dear <3 <3

I feel so bad for Ohno. His guilt coupled with his shadow's stubbornness isn't a good combination to let go! I hope things will work out soon for him.

As for Sho, I think the death of his child is somehow related to the sea or water? I think when he said he feels calm with Aiba is a good start.

Thanks for this!!! Can't wait for the next!

No, it's really not a good combination. But he'll progress.

Yes, it's a good start that he warms up with Aiba.

Thanks for leaving a comment dear, <3 <3

Ohno is afraid to let Jun fully into his life and this is obviously having an effect their relationship.
At least Sho opened up a little in this session.
Thanks for the update 💕

Yes, Ohno is, but he needs to let go. ><

Thanks sooo much for your comment dear <3<3 <3 <3

Oh-chan killed someone? Who??
And Sho still being Sho nee, stubborn. But looks like he open his heart a little.
I'm curious about their past, make me interesting to follow your fic more and more.
Will waiting for next chapter ^ - ^

You'll see soon ;)

Yes, Sho is, but he is a willing to open up at least a bit ;)

Thanks sooo much for commenting on this story <3

omg this chapter is a bit intense...how can Ohno's shadow
be so angry towards Jun?!... and Sho's child, it gave me a sad feeling when Sho talked about Haro going to the beach alone...hmmmmmm it seems connected to his child, ne?
Ohno said he killed someone... is it the shadow? or maybe because of the accident... awww I want to know....

thanks for the update,dear! ^_^

Yes, Ohno's shadow is really not easy to handle.

Maybe the beach is connected to her and him :P

Thanks soooo much for leaving a comment, <3 <3 3 3

Ohno's shadow is stubborn. But Ohno has to learn to let it go in order to move on.
There will come a day when he'd realized that Jun is the one for him now, but he doesn't necessarily have to be a replacement either. Maybe he thinks that it was his fault that his shadow died, so he insists in believing that he doesn't deserved happiness at all.

Sho.. Ah, so the little girl really is his child after all. Maybe her death was the cause of his break-up? Or was it the break-up which led into her death? But it's a good thing that he had started to open up little by little.

Poor Aiba though. For having to deal with such strong shadows. Maybe he really is a masochist after all. LOL

Thank you for this!

Yes, I agree. Ohno's shadow is stubborn, but he needs to let go too. And he deserves being happy of course.

Yes, Sho will open up from now on. :) Aiba will get to his dark past.

*lol* Yes maybe he is, or he just wants to help others :D

Thanks soooo much for dropping by and leaving a comment <3

I'm really worried about Jun and Ohno here. It seems like Ohno's shadwo is not only strong but also very dominant and strong :-/ I wonder what kind of relationship the shadow and Ohno once had and why she/he doesn't want him to become happy with someone else...

As for Sho, he is so closed. He doesn't even try an exercise >< I wonder if Sho and the shadows mother were married, or partners...

Thanks so much for this update! Heading to the next chapter immediately ^^

Yes, Ohno's shadow is totally dominant, you are right. It's difficult to get rid of him/her.

Sho is really closed. But he'll open up more and more.

Thanks for reading and commenting dear <3 <3

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Behind the waves - Chapter 5

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